Motherly Feels?

Just yesterday while I was at work, I stumbled upon the opportunity to witness a toddler being, well, a toddler. I was preoccupied with my usual obliviousness until I heard the security alarm go off, again. I made my way to the display to disarm it and that’s when I noticed the little monster that interrupted my daydream. Now, my initial reaction would’ve been “where did this nuisance come from and why is his mother not immediately removing him from my vicinity?” – but that’s not what happened. Instead, I got a huge pang of unfamiliar warmth coming from within – full blast – head first, and I can tell you honestly the most ridiculous smile spread across my face and I was practically stuck that way until my cheeks started cramping.

Rewind. I had always had the intention of keeping all humans, no matter the age, at arms-length at the least – the farther, the better. The Mr. and I had discussed having offspring but it was always for the sake of “carrying on the name.” I had never wanted kids. I am dead terrified of them. I would go through lengths to keep them away from me at all times and never intended to reproduce. The first time I even showed signs of relenting was when I was first diagnosed with PCOS. It’s one thing if you never wanted something in particular to begin with, but that attitude changes once you’re informed that you can’t have it, and that’s when we started exploring the possibility of having children. Even recently, I would still find them utterly annoying. With this adorable little 30 pounds of joy however, I wanted nothing more than to pick him up and join him in his musings. He wasn’t particularly adorable in a sense, I’ve seen cuter babies, but it was his genuine laughter and behavior that can only belong to an innocent toddler – that got me. That pang hit me, hard. It was that exact moment that I had officially wanted to be a mother, and felt ready for it.

He was doing nothing more than playing a video game at that moment, providing his own sound effects as he didn’t think to turn on the volume, and nothing could’ve pulled me away from watching this little monster – a child in his natural state and habitat. It truly was a lightbulb moment for me. I immediately texted the Mr. regarding this unsettling finding and he was nothing short of delighted. Great.

At what point had you come to the realization that you were ready to be a parent?

 


PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) n. – missed periods and hormones throwing a b*tch-fit

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