It’s been two full days since I’ve last shaved anything below the waist and it feels amazing – just kidding.
It’s quite enjoyable that I can get in and out of the shower in just about 15 minutes but it’s anything but once I’m in bed. It’s annoying having your legs literally scratch each other because of the stubble that weren’t taken care of hours prior, it’s frustrating that you get itchy in places that shouldn’t be scratched in public, and it’s irritating that you get scratch lines on your deodorant after applying it to your pits. I hate it all. It’s never been about impressing others or “following the norm,” but it’s more about taking care of yourself and your body the way you see fit. I’m not opposed to people leaving their hairs in their rightful place, if it makes you feel more comfortable – by all means, leave them alone! For me, every single hair I see on my own body is a siren calling for me to grab the closest razor or pair of tweezers. I’ve been shaving every inch physically reachable and viewable for as long as I can remember, and I have no intention to change that. Albeit there will be days where I just want to say f*ck it, I’m not shaving sh*t today, and I wouldn’t shave – but the moment I feel a single stubble out of the shower, my immediate reaction is to jump back in and just ask myself WTF was I thinking?!
The Mr. has been in and out of The City the past two weeks due to back to back bachelor parties for his friends so I’ve been alone practically half of July, which was better than I had imagined. It’s therapeutic to have all this time to myself and not worry about having the TV on too loud too late at night, not worry about turning off the lights when it gets to a later hour, not worry about waking anyone up in the middle of the night when I have to go pee, and not worry about knocking someone over first thing in the morning when I roll to the center of the bed to stretch. That has been amazing. I had almost forgot how good it is to be alone, and I don’t say that lightly. I love being able to order whatever I want to eat and not have to wait for someone else to make up their mind, I love being able to take up the whole bed and switch to the opposite side when the current side is too warm, I love being able to have the room at whatever temperature my body needed and not have to worry about someone else’s temperature dropping or rising, I love being able to turn off the screens at whatever time I please because I won’t be responsible for someone else’s sleep, I just love everything about being alone.
Now, going in a completely different direction: it’s great to have someone to cuddle with early in the morning because it can get HELLA cold. No lie, I literally set my alarm to go off a full hour earlier than I need it to just so I can be conscious and cuddle up next to the Mr. and slowly wake up. It is seriously the best way to wake up, and sometimes I even get lucky (I’m more like a man, I know). I only want the best of both worlds, am I asking for too much? In our relationship, apparently not. The Mr. is very much accommodating to my personal needs and preferences and I am very grateful for that. Had he ever demanded that I fully moved in with him in the past, I probably would’ve backed out a long time ago. He allowed me to ease in at my own pace and I am so, so happy.
See, for someone like me to allow someone to enter my bubble or maneuver my bubble next to their bubble takes an obscenely long time and a crap ton of effort. I cope with OCD and a bit of paranoia on the daily and it is extremely difficult for me to trust anyone anywhere near my personal belongings or me, for that matter (this is the by-product of a couple of years of being bullied during younger times, I won’t elaborate on the topic in this post but do expect to see it some time in the future). The Mr. completely respected my boundaries and allowed me to take whatever time I needed to feel comfortable and safe with him around. We’ve come a long way and though I don’t believe we’ll ever fully get there given my situation, we’re probably the closest to that level that we’ll ever possibly get. For now, this works. We’re together for the most part but I’m to have my alone time shall I need it or want it, and it’s perfect.
“Alone time” for me is simple, I just really need a day or two or even just a couple of hours all to myself and not have to tend to you or anyone else. It’s amazing to have this kind of support from your significant other because you know they’ll still be there when you’re ready to go home. For those who might think that I see the Mr. as disposable, I don’t. I’ve never wanted to fully commit to one person, I don’t mean I’m into polygamy though I’m not opposed to that either, it can be a wonderful thing but I am monogamous. What I mean is that aside from my S.O., I also need to have the freedom to commit to myself. This is where my brain vomit begins, take notes. It can be both wonderful and exhausting to 100% commit to one person. No matter how great your relationship is, you will always need time and space for yourself. Think about it, you’ve been married for say, ten years and have two adorable little monsters. You rely on your parents or hire a babysitter so that you two can have a date night or you rely on one another so you can have a girls’/boy’s night. When do you actually get a chance to have a me night? I’d like to think never, but that shouldn’t be the case. I’ve watched/heard/read horror stories where couples are essentially stuck with each other and don’t really have time all to themselves individually, respectively, and that has put me far, far away from the thought of marriage for the longest time. Having me-time was like a myth, and I made it my mission to prove that wrong. Success! It is very much possible to have a healthy relationship that allows both together-time and me-time to coexist, and it does not require you to live apart.
WTF have I just typed?